Saturday, January 17, 2009

Centered in Uncertainty

I was feeling a bit anxious today. When you are unemployed you live in a different time zone. Life little structures and routines are all gone. You are on your own and you must keep yourself centered (... if not entertained) in order to maintain your sanity. I must say that I do have the support of friends and family. I do not feel isolated but I could very easily fall into that trap on account that I am living in a different time sequence from the rest. This afternoon I took a long walk with Pretzel, my dachsie, and thought about my anxiety. At this very moment there is nothing I can do but to calm my nerves. And that I intend to do. It is not easy at all because I do have goals and dreams I want to fulfill and I do not want to postpone them indefinitely. So calming down is priority number one. In times like these I draw from my spiritual experiences and realizations. I am a spiritual mutt if there is ever one. I was raised by deeply religious Catholic grandparents, an atheist dad and a non practicing Catholic mother. I went to Catholic school all my life. Then I got into the New Age movement of the 80’s. In the early 90’s I went back to Catholicism (I realized later that it was a hunger for cultural identity rather than true conviction) and then into Tibetan Buddhism, only to be a free spiritual agent today. Excuse me, but I must laugh at myself if only tenderly. All these religious and philosophical disciplines have helped construct what I am today and I am grateful. Today I felt I had to have a serious talk with myself and establish a set of principles that would make my life easier and more enjoyable. To understand that there is no hurry in life, that I have nothing to prove, that it is reasonable to still cry everyday over the death of my mother 8 months ago, that it’s okay to have blind faith in finding appropriate employment, that it’s okay to keep dreaming of a better life. I have been reading a beautiful book by Marianne Williamson that has inspired me lately to ask for miracles in my life. And that I am doing today, surrendering to a higher energy capable of restoring my vitality. In the meantime more tea, more books and more cookies! I am grateful to all the visitors I have had recently, you keep my spirits up.

21 comments:

larkspur said...

I'm glad I found your blog. It's ok to cry for your mother. And it's ok to carry blind faith. Your honesty is refreshing. Hang on, things will come 'round. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

larkspur said...

I'm back again; I just read your profile. Local Hero. Yeah....

CLAY said...

I feel the magnitude of your emotions. I've always had the curse of feeling everyone's emotions. Stay strong, and enjoy everything--the sky, the flowers, the coolness of water in your mouth. Life is tricky--one minute you're down, next minute you're in the stars.

-Clay

Janelle said...

LOVE the new pic. Now listen. Think what life it is you would like to lead and begin by "pretending" it's already happened. I know it sounds silly but your thoughts and intentions have more power than you can ever imagine. The Universe is entirely responsive to each and every one of them. VISUALIZE VISUALIZE VISUALIZE. Start to live it and clear your thoughts of even ONE doubt or worry. Yes. Find that calm space and SEE IT. See your dream job, your dream occupation, your dream man...whatever. Listen to your heart. And WALK IN GRATITUDE as much as you can. And Bingo. It will happen. I promise you. lots love xxx janelle

The Pink Cowboy said...

Thank you Janelle, Clay and larkspur for your kind words. I feel your energy.

Cynthia said...

Pink Cowboy, your blog company is a true treasure. I think that larkspur, and Clay, and Janelle gave you excellent support and advice. Just from looking at your blog, I see an intelligent, artistic, gifted human being. It's important to know that about yourself in your transitional and consequently, vunerable period. This positive thought about your own competence it absolutely true-make a promise to yourself to remember it!

Keri said...

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
Dory from Nemo ;)

herhimnbryn said...

One step, then the next, then the next........................

Jo said...

I went through a few months of unemployment a few years ago. It's very frightening, and it's easy to fall into a depression. Don't let that happen. I think your blog is a good way to stay hooked in and to validate yourself. Make sure you get outdoors every day, and interact with people, even if it's just the person behind the counter at Starbucks, or whatever.

Things will get better for you. I can promise you that!

Bachelor said...

Hey Pink Cowboy,
The beauty at this moment in your life is that you are still hanging on to hope, looking, seeking. Never lose that PC. Your words have inspired me. As a boy growing up, I was well grounded in Bibical faith. I feel very fortunate for that. I think myself as a tree with a firm foundation, but as I grow and my branches reach out to touch whatever is there, hoping that my leaves and blossoms show forth the love of God toward others in many aspects of life over time as we have been given the opportunity; hoping that I can learn from others and that I might be a blessing bringing others to know His love.
Hand me a cookie!
The Bach

The Pink Cowboy said...

You guys are amazing, you make me feel very connected and relevant. I never expected this blog would bring me such joy.

CLAY said...

We are in your corner my friend-- If was a wealthy man, I would give you one million and a handshake--but I am just a writer.

JBA said...

To capitalize on the million dollars theme- do you remember the song- If I Had a Million Dollars? It goes something like- "if I had a million dollars I'd buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat that's cruel." Your dog might object also.

Life is a journey- just keeping paddling. You can do this....

Braja said...

I don't know how I found you but I'm glad I did :)

Love that photo; all success with your spiritual path...

Suza said...

You may see yourself as a spiritual mutt, but you have all the qualities of a purebred.

I feel for you and wish you strength and calm at this challenging time. You seem to know yourself and know what you need. That self-awareness is rare... and it is a remarkable gift.

I wish you the very best on your path.

(I come to you through Willow's blog.)

Susan said...

good things come ... to those who believe. You never know what is just around the next corner ... after months and months of stressing and worrying about mostly money and what the lack of it "might" or "could" do to my life I decided to try as hard as I might to live only in the moment I'm in, to be as grateful as I possible can and to trust that every thing will be OK.

You know, since I've begun doing this Good Things just keep showing up.

I didn't like Wuthering Heights - I think the story itself (and the period) is just to brutish for my liking. Thanks goodness I didn't live then. I'm curious about what you thought of it. Happy Obama Day to you and much love from Nova Scotia. xo S.

Breathing and strenuous exercise have both been really helpful to me also and of course to always cry until all the tears have come out.

tangobaby said...

Don't ever stop dreaming or crying or hoping. That's what makes people real and lovely and full of life. I'm glad you're out there, and we're here for you. So don't worry.

;-)

marc aurel said...

I too am glad to find your blog and there is someone else among your commentators whom I found by another route... I was going to tell you of this thing that has enhanced my life recently. Maybe it was on Oprah! Before I go to sleep, I go through ten things I am grateful for, for the day that has just passed.

Linda S. Socha said...

Love this blog.Really do!

There are some truths I hold to be self evident.. anyone who likes Abba AND the Little Prince and Martha Graham...in ADDITION to Pink truly has to be a man of character and diversity.

I expect we may haqve some similiar philosophical leanings. Please stop by Psyche Connections for a visit. I enjoy exchange following blog links with persons I see connections
Again, this blog is beautiful. Sort of like the sun coming our on a rainy day. Thank you
Linda
Linda

nollyposh said...

i cried everyday for a year after my dad died... Then one day i found myself smiling at his memory instead... and the pain in my chest lessened x

Natalie said...

Beautiful words... Thank you for inspiring me.