Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I am always transforming myself. So each New Year's Eve I think about different personas I would like to embrace for the new year. I am fascinated by the diversity of thought and levels of self realization of my fellow humans. I like to believe that each person I meet has something that I can incorporate in my life. Layer upon layer I have built what I am today. I am of a distinctive style and appearance when looked from the outside but once you get near, really close, you will see my composite picture. I am my beloved mother who passed away in March; I am the taciturn lover who believed in astrological signs; I am the perceived enemy at work that turned out to be my friend; I am the frightened child that found solace and comfort in the unseen forces of love; and also the petulant university student that thought it was chic to wear black all the time. I will name the past and present avatars I wish to emulate for the next year:
1. Maya Angelou- She is poetry and courage.
2. Harvey Milk- He represented audacity in the face of persecution.
3. Cyndi Lauper- A rare combination of compassionate soul and wild woman.
4. SARK- We are all innocent deep down inside.
5. Louise Hay- Promoter of the most profound "affirmative action".
6. Grandpa Walton- Oh come on, where is your sense of humor?
I wish all my fellow bloggers and visitors an enchanted New Year full of possibilities and opportunities to do your thing in the most peaceful and exciting athsmosphere.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I am between jobs. Anxiety is lurking in the shadows and has prompted me to make a mental inventory of all the jobs I have held since I graduated from High School:
1. Store clerk at a gift shop
2. Spanish instructor
4. Cashier at a jeweler's
5. Cultural Consultant
6. Spanish, English and History Specialist at a Library
7. Magazine Editor
8. Pollster for an advertisement agency
9. Data entry worker
10. English Instructor
11. Special Education teacher
14. Legal assistant
15. Hotel concierge for VIP at a major hotel in the Caribbean
16. Hotel Front Desk clerk in a gay hotel
17. Comic book writer
18. Reporter for a Buddhist publication
19. Store manager for a computer business
20. Night manager for Michael's in Florida
21. Hotel concierge in a boutique hotel in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico
22. Exam proctor
23. Assistant for an interior design company
Why so many? I don't really know. I have just adapted to the circumstances. But I am getting tired of this. I feel awkward when I realize I have not held a job for more than three years. I hate it when people say the phrase I truly loathe: "this is as good as it gets." I do not conform easily, I know. I am too much of an independent thinker. I mean, I am not extreme when it comes to just shutting up and performing my duty but I am a very critical person, I tend to analyze all situations from different sides. It is my nature. But I am fed up about not having an income also. I live with my brother until I find employment. I am grateful he is both putting me up and putting up with me. But I moved to Texas to improve my lot.
I am always daydreaming about my perfect job. I feel the best job I have done is in editing. Editing is an intense affair. I have to use all my intellect and then some. I think and editor is not only a glorified proofreader. An editor is a guide. At best he or she is an enabler, a coach, a committed assistant that can point to the best a writer can offer. It is not about reading or cutting out writing material. It is about selecting the essential and making it understandable to the general reader. I wish I can find a job as an editor, I do not want to adapt so much to the actual circumstances as to loose sight of my goal. I have done that so often in my life out of necessity and out of insecurities. Now, I am quietly going to send vibes to the universe around me to get an editing job at a magazine or a publisher's.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
When I was six years old I developed a fascination for flags. I borrowed my dad's World Almanac to look at the different flags of the countries of the world. The colors and the national emblems often portrayed in them intrigued me so much I decided to memorize all of them. My dad would show me a national flag and I would answer the name of the country. This ability to recognize all of the flags of the world led me to learn all the capitals of the world. So early on I felt I had a special gift for being able to recall the names of countries, their capitals, and their flag. Naming the capital of Mongolia was my coup de grace (Ulaan Bator), people would gasp in awe. Word got to my teachers of my so called good memory. So soon enough I was going from classroom to classroom where students would ask me about the capitals of different countries. As I recall I did not miss naming the right flag or the right capital or the right country. One day when I got back from school I found three big corrugated boxes in the living room. Dad was early from work so I asked him about the flags. He looked at me and said-"You have not opened them yet?" They are for me??!!. I ran as fast as I could and opened the first box. Inside I found a light blue rack bearing the seal of the United Nations in the middle. I have never seen anything like it before. There were three segments. Each segment had about 35 holes on top. I opened the second box. It was a bunch of table flags made out of silk. The third boxed contained another set of flags. I felt I opened a treasure box. They were beautiful, shiny and soft to the touch. I remember taking the first flag, Afghanistan, and waving it. I took all the flags and one by one placed them in the rack to be displayed.
I have always been fascinated by the different countries of the world. It has been a leitmotif, so to speak, in my life. My passion for languages and world cultures led me to major in International Relations at Syracuse University many years later. I am so grateful my dad got me this present. To this day I see that magical day as the day my passion for knowledge started.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Johann Sebastian Bach
Chinese medicine cabinets
Quiet country roads
Quiet country roads
Hidden trails in the forest
Hidden trails in the forest
White linen bed sheets