Sunday, December 28, 2008

A job is a job is a job....NOT!!!!

I am between jobs. Anxiety is lurking in the shadows and has prompted me to make a mental inventory of all the jobs I have held since I graduated from High School:

1. Store clerk at a gift shop

2. Spanish instructor

3. Translator

4. Cashier at a jeweler's

5. Cultural Consultant

6. Spanish, English and History Specialist at a Library

7. Magazine Editor

8. Pollster for an advertisement agency

9. Data entry worker

10. English Instructor

11. Special Education teacher

12. Photographer

13. Archivist

14. Legal assistant

15. Hotel concierge for VIP at a major hotel in the Caribbean

16. Hotel Front Desk clerk in a gay hotel

17. Comic book writer

18. Reporter for a Buddhist publication

19. Store manager for a computer business

20. Night manager for Michael's in Florida

21. Hotel concierge in a boutique hotel in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico

22. Exam proctor

23. Assistant for an interior design company

Why so many? I don't really know. I have just adapted to the circumstances. But I am getting tired of this. I feel awkward when I realize I have not held a job for more than three years. I hate it when people say the phrase I truly loathe: "this is as good as it gets." I do not conform easily, I know. I am too much of an independent thinker. I mean, I am not extreme when it comes to just shutting up and performing my duty but I am a very critical person, I tend to analyze all situations from different sides. It is my nature. But I am fed up about not having an income also. I live with my brother until I find employment. I am grateful he is both putting me up and putting up with me. But I moved to Texas to improve my lot.
I am always daydreaming about my perfect job. I feel the best job I have done is in editing. Editing is an intense affair. I have to use all my intellect and then some. I think and editor is not only a glorified proofreader. An editor is a guide. At best he or she is an enabler, a coach, a committed assistant that can point to the best a writer can offer. It is not about reading or cutting out writing material. It is about selecting the essential and making it understandable to the general reader. I wish I can find a job as an editor, I do not want to adapt so much to the actual circumstances as to loose sight of my goal. I have done that so often in my life out of necessity and out of insecurities. Now, I am quietly going to send vibes to the universe around me to get an editing job at a magazine or a publisher's.

Stand By Your Man- Tammy Wynette

A song full of pathos, in my view, but tenderly endearing. We'll sing it by the fireplace this evening. Enjoy!