It is Sunday and I am shaking like a leaf. Time flies so fast. How do you keep your bearings when you are unemployed? Each day is like a white sheet of paper in front of a novelist with a severe case of writer's block. A hot shower and soothing music would not do. You live on cents a day. Maybe a small coffee at the gas station for $0.75. Then you realize the day is only starting for you. 18 hours to take care of. You feel jumpy and anxious. Filling job applications on line. Downgrading yourself in order to fit a minimum wage job advertisement. And yet, I have days when I am very optimistic. I must say that I am wishing for a miracle. Yes, I am THAT human, that hopeful, that unrealistic. I understand that unemployment is basically a temporary situation. I've been there before. There are people far worse than me. I am no martyr in any way or form.
I refuse to watch the news. I do not trust them any more. They are feeding our panic our heartbreak. My heart goes out to all the families that are experiencing despair in these times.
Before I go to bed I make a list of all the things I am grateful for. I figure that if I cannot come up with a least one thing I am grateful for I must be dead and buried somewhere. This was my list last night.
I am thankful for:
1. My bed, I do not have to sleep on the floor.
2. My dachsie Pretzel, he gives me unconditional Love and likes to sneak behind me a lick my ears to make me laugh.
3. My legs, I can stand up, walk and dance without having to pay a single cent.
4. My brother, he has let me in in his apartment.
5. This blog, I never felt so connected to people around the world, it's a sheer joy to me.
6. My books, I can go to places where treasures are hidden and where characters welcome you like a long lost friend.
7. My eyes, I can see colors, patterns, textures, speed, radiance, trees, flowers, people's faces.
8. My teachers, old, young, American, Tibetan, Spanish, French, Committed, Mystical, Empowering, Enthusiastic, Wise, Courageous.
9. Friendship- I have longtime friends and friends that I have never seen. So nurturing and kind.
10. Love, so much out there and in here. Love is THE ADVENTURE, THE REWARD, THE PURPOSE.
photo by petit hiboux at Flikr.
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