Sunday, February 22, 2009

Waiting



















It is Sunday and I am shaking like a leaf. Time flies so fast. How do you keep your bearings when you are unemployed? Each day is like a white sheet of paper in front of a novelist with a severe case of writer's block. A hot shower and soothing music would not do. You live on cents a day. Maybe a small coffee at the gas station for $0.75. Then you realize the day is only starting for you. 18 hours to take care of. You feel jumpy and anxious. Filling job applications on line. Downgrading yourself in order to fit a minimum wage job advertisement. And yet, I have days when I am very optimistic. I must say that I am wishing for a miracle. Yes, I am THAT human, that hopeful, that unrealistic. I understand that unemployment is basically a temporary situation. I've been there before. There are people far worse than me. I am no martyr in any way or form.

I refuse to watch the news. I do not trust them any more. They are feeding our panic our heartbreak. My heart goes out to all the families that are experiencing despair in these times.

Before I go to bed I make a list of all the things I am grateful for. I figure that if I cannot come up with a least one thing I am grateful for I must be dead and buried somewhere. This was my list last night.
I am thankful for:

1. My bed, I do not have to sleep on the floor.

2. My dachsie Pretzel, he gives me unconditional Love and likes to sneak behind me a lick my ears to make me laugh.

3. My legs, I can stand up, walk and dance without having to pay a single cent.

4. My brother, he has let me in in his apartment.

5. This blog, I never felt so connected to people around the world, it's a sheer joy to me.

6. My books, I can go to places where treasures are hidden and where characters welcome you like a long lost friend.

7. My eyes, I can see colors, patterns, textures, speed, radiance, trees, flowers, people's faces.

8. My teachers, old, young, American, Tibetan, Spanish, French, Committed, Mystical, Empowering, Enthusiastic, Wise, Courageous.

9. Friendship- I have longtime friends and friends that I have never seen. So nurturing and kind.


10. Love, so much out there and in here. Love is THE ADVENTURE, THE REWARD, THE PURPOSE.
photo by petit hiboux at Flikr.

22 comments:

Lisa said...

yes, gratitude- always-
it can always be worse, even though at times that is hard to beleive
thank you for the honesty xxx

Avril Fleur said...

Keep up the faith brother! Like you, I was unemployed last year from April until January. It was scary. Much more scary than I ever would have admitted to myself. Now that I've taken a minimum wage customer service job in a call-centre, which a couple of years ago I never would have dreamed I would do, I seemed to have opened the doors to further abundance in my life and have had a flood of recent opportunities. Gratitude is key. I am grateful for this customer service job I have. Grateful that I have a home and a comfy bed and still a relatively abundant life, despite my recent unemployment. I have so many things to be thankful for now, and I know, so much more to be thankful for which is on its way to me now! Keep the faith. It is cheesy but true that it's darkest before the dawn. This is the critical time for you to not lose faith. You deserve great things and they are on their way to you now!

Love and blessings from your Canadian sister!

Cynthia said...

Dear Pink Cowboy, may your waiting end soon and may you find a job that brings you joy...and enough free time to continue blogging! Love and hugs to you and Pretzel. Come over and see Mr. D'Arcy and Miss Junie at Oasis. <3

nollyposh said...

Sending yOu a (((hug)))
X:-)

Steph said...

I quit watching the news too, for the very reason you state so succinctly. Every day when I wake up, I say to myself: "There are two conditions in this world - Love and Fear. Which will I function from today?"

Nettl and I are sending you our very best, most positive thoughts. We understand all too well.

This dark time shall pass!

findingmywingsinlife said...

Perhaps in this waiting, you are being reminded of the things in life that matter most..just as we all were as we read through your list..thank you for that reminder.

John said...

You have just exposed one of my biggest fears...to be unemployed. I don't think I could be as strong as you are.

I always thought we should count our blessings each day, and not just on Thanksgiving. Thank you for reminding others that even in the worst of times, there is much to be thankful for.

I have many friends and family that have been "laid off." Most of the time that really means "terminated for good." ...If only they had the positive attitude that you seem to have.

You are so right about the news media! If people hear "it's bad" long enough, they will eventually believe it. But we know they don't just say "it's bad," they go on and on day after day and night after night. It can be depressing!

I wish you the best and know you won't give up on your job search. Hope you find work soon. Hang in there, my friend.

Clare said...

You will find that job soon.

I am grateful that I found you as a new blog friend. Clarex

budh.aaah said...

Hey Pink Cowboy,
We are all going through a tough time. Yes its a great time to count our blessings and be ever hopeful because thats what keeps us afloat..Meanwhile all the best to you, may you find your dream job soooooon.

The Pink Cowboy said...

Avril- Thank you so much for your kind words. You are a good example that unemployment is a temporary issue. Love the idea of having a Canadian sister, Canada is one of my favourite countries in the world.
Cynthia- Thank you for your wishes
Nolly- I'm a hugger, so I do appreciate you sending me one ;-)
Steph- Like you I choose Love.
buddha- Thanks
Findingmywings- I do agree, the urgency of the situation makes you filter or at sort your priorities in life.
John- I am learning to walk in spite of the fear I might feel. When you keep walking somehow you start to develop courage. I think it was Maya Angelou who once said the most important human quality was courage. Without courage you cannot do anything significant in life. I am a bit frightened,just to make an understatement, but I am going to keep on walking. Thank you for your words.
Clare- Thank you for coming to my blog.

Janelle said...

beautiful post Cowboy. gratitude is the way to go. also remember that you can start your own thing...you don't HAVE to wait for a job do you? you sound so talented, so clever with so much to offer....? love and thanks. x j

Rosie said...

Filling up the day is certainly tricky isn't it? It requires a fortitude for pressing on, even though you may be feeling panicked and anxious. Not fun, although you are doing all the right things to help yourself. Wishing you luck in your search and abundance in your life.x

Sydney said...

Well done, and so right you are! Clearly you are very blessed and I KNOW that you will flourish. But I can understand how scary it can be. You did a great job of illustrating how those days stretching out before you can feel.

Sometimes to get through fear I just get back to basics (as your gratitude list IS). I tell myself: One step at a time, one minute, hour and day at a time will get you where you need to go. I can tell you are on such a bright path as a human being. How can good not come to you Pink C?

The Pink Cowboy said...

Janelle- I just love your safari vibe you are tops! Thanks.

Rosie- fortitude is a great word for what you need to build in your inner world.

Sydney- you make me dance with those inspiring words. I almost forgot I was unemployed. Many blessings.:-)

Ruby Isabella said...

Don't watch the news and be grateful, I absolutely agree. How can life be any other than great when you have a dog's tongue in your ear!

willow said...

Times are certainly scary and we have been in panic mode, since WT is self employed. I don't watch the news either.

But I did watch "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" over the weekend and it left me feeling glad to be alive and have full use of my faculties.

I am praying for your miracle this week. Hang in there, dear friend.

Extra big hugs,
Willow x

willow said...

Me, again. I've been thinking about you all morning. A friend just emailed me this quote and thought I'd pass it along to you.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Pink Cowboy said...

Willow those are simply put beautiful words. Thank you so much for thinking about me. I think I'm going to post it in the blog to remind myself of such truth.

tangobaby said...

I am grateful for you, Pink Cowboy. Every time I see your name pop up, I smile to think of the joy you share with me and others and I wish you were closer.

I know you will be fine. even when you are unsure and scared, you are brave to me.

Lots of love.

Linda S. Socha said...

Pink Cowboy.

You are such a light bearer...even in the hardest of times.
May you find the job you need immediately and the direction to get where you need to go.
You have the right of it about the news.

Thank you for reminding me about being thankful for all that there is in life and how easy it can be to overlook what is essential.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye".
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Linda

Peggy said...

What an honest and touching post, Pink Cowboy. I love your gratitude list. A couple of years ago, I put myself on an Appreciation Diet. It includes writing down every morning five things I'm grateful for, and writing down every evening five things I did well that day (the second exercise is a lot harder for me). I've been doing it for several years now, and it's a good reminder to all of us to focus on the blessings amid so much turmoil. You're in my thoughts.

marc aurel said...

My sons are going through the pains of unemployment. So painful when they desperately want to work. Their hopes rise up with every help wanted ad and are dashed when they realise that two hundred apply. The net allows them to send out hundreds of resumes whereas I never sent out more than one at a time.