Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Darkness is the ultimate generator of dreams and realities. I close my eyes, I dim my sight. I sit quietly in a dark corner of my living room. I am literally blindfolded. I breathe deeply and I go inside, indoors to a dark place full of possibilities. My mind reacts, it becomes restless. Impatient, I would say. The possibilities are endless. I get easily disoriented. I am back at the Mega store of dreams. An infinite numbers of items pass me by. Wishes, hopes, fears, disappointments. All responsible for my reality in the world. But I decide not to put any article in my cosmic shopping car, I am just browsing, window shopping. My meditation has taken me to a place of very little light but a lot of illumination. It is revealing truth in darkness, in a place with no name, with no preconceived notions or forms. I do not need the bright sun, nor do I need the raging fire. They could be distractions. I need silence, visual silence. To love the darkness as well as the light is to walk in balance, well rounded, complete. Funny, there are times where my greatest fears become ridiculous thoughts in the dark. My fear of abandonment becomes insolvent, bankrupt when I sit in universal darkness. I realize my interconnection with all. I could never be abandoned, I am with all. My resentments become senseless fantasies in the dark. Darkness erases away the forms and shapes of past rejections, perceived humiliations, downright indignation. No longer they have power over me for in darkness I have totally dismissed their foolery, their incoherence, their recurrent visitations. That strangest irrational paralyzing fear of not ever finding a significant other is diluted down to a muffled whimper. In darkness I recognize this master delusion, this Gordian knot. I see it clearly for what it is. A denial, a total divorce from my highest self. A misery play fed by my family and cultural upbringing to keep me in line, to clip my large wings, to keep me safe and secluded. I forgive them all. They too were afraid, frightened, scared of an overabundance of an unknown source of oxygen. In darkness I set myself free. I carry my darkness with me. It comes quite handy in glorious sunny days, in breathtaking sunsets, in warm summer nights. My darkness balances me out, it is a proofread, a Grammarian handbook, it corrects incongruity in my life, darkness gives me the full perspective, it sends me to the zenith of the mountain and dutifully shows me the countryside from the city, the trees from the rocks, the burning sensation of ice from the blinding light of the scorching sun. There are bright dark days after all.