Friday, June 12, 2009

Slippery Sleep

I have been sleeping all day long. I have a vivid imagination. So I have been fantasizing about living in a place where there is no unemployment and where people can earn their living by being creative and dynamic. Some people manage to live their dreams. I'm still trying to figure it out. The artist in me wants to come out permanently. But I keep pushing it back, afraid I will not be "good enough" to earn a living doing what I want. I'm being sincere. I wish I could resolve the paradoxical equation that is up in my mind. The world has always yelled "do what makes you happy" at me. The same world has also yelled "but you should choose a career that offers you stability and financial support." Today I feel I'm still 18 and trying to figure things out. But life is a funny business. It's complex and compromises must be made. Today I am oversleeping, not wanting to get up, I suppose. It's a temporary thing. My mind needs a little bit of rest and pampering. But I must get balance and structure back in my life soon. I would have never expected life was going to be like this when I was growing up. It seems to me that when I was younger I really thought life was something you earned as reward for your effort. I am little bit older now and I believe you are the creator of your life and as you create you are prone to make mistakes, have second thoughts and learn throughout the process. To nurture your wounded soul you need not to treat it as a little defenseless baby but as a human being that needs to filter out the negative and let the positive set in. I have been oversleeping today, like a little baby. It's time to call the architect within and get going with those blueprints.


willow said...

Lots of positive thoughts coming your way from WM. I'm praying you'll be able to put all that glorious creativity to work and make some money while you're at it. Your internal architect will know what to do with the blueprints. A good long sleep is always good for clearing the cobwebs.

Anonymous said...

we all have days where we 'sleep' our way through in one way or another...i do it to...but i am not able to actually stay in bed, three young kids and all that :) But i do step out of the current reality and live in my head while making my way through the day, sometimes it is what i need to get through my day, the stress around me at this time.....or is it? I have started practicing with earnest, the concept of present moment in relation to stress... i am driving to school pick up, stress weighing heavily on me and I suddenly peer up the road and say to myself, Look, there is a tree, that is all that exists in my reality right now a tree, NOT what was said to me the other day, or how i am going to pay bills on payday and still have money for food, it is just a tree in front of me in the here and now, those other things only exist in my current reality when i allow then to, when i give them life.
I do believe I will write a blog post on this topic as a reminder for myself and others who feel the need to build anew.
I love you
You will be fine.
Everything is going to work out, just wait and see my friend.

The Pink Cowboy said...

willow- thanks for your prayers, your blog is a source of inspiration for me.
sweetmango- Your thoughts are profound and gentle. I will look forward to read about living in the present moment in your blog. nemeste. Om.

Rab said...

You can trust a resource to the extent that you control it. The idea that others can offer you 'security' is a fallacy. It exists to destroy your confidence and convert you from a person into a commodity.

Network obsessively, make contacts, grow your influence, make your ideas work.

You are the creator. That is good.

Natalie said...

Yet another synchronicity! Thank You for making my heart sing....Tralalala.
Your comment on my recent post, made me SO happy, I cannot tell you.

I am in exactly the same frame of mind - sleepy too, I might add. Unfortunately, for me, 5 kids takes care of that.
I am sure there can be balance when following our bliss......
Ready SET GO!, I'll race you!xx

Steph said...

I'm sorry to have to say this, but being "good enough" is not a factor is being able to support oneself with one's creativity. If it did, there wouldn't be so much crap out there making tons of money.

Like you, I've struggled my entire adult life trying to accomplish this, but a lot depends on --I believe-- what we came here to do and learn. I've only just recently come to realize (at 57 years of age) that I came here to serve, not to be served. Damn! There goes my inner aristocrat!

All my best thoughts! Keep working at it, and remember that you ARE good enough to realize your dreams!

Steph said...

Whoops. I meant, "if it were", not "if it did"...

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I stay up too late during the week; I sleep in too long on the weekends; I don't get as much done as I hope for. So I have just told myself, accomplish 2 tasks on the weekends and then revel in what makes you happy. I find it less frustrating than berating myself.

I may have to use some of Mike's life insurance each month to get by, but I still have my job(do what makes you happy) and my house and my is scary and I do wish for you that you will soon find that balance and structure that lets your inner self blossom too.

Sindri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sindri said...

Well I kept pondering that ants the size of cars would tear apart the civilized world as we know it and nothing short of a nuclear holocaust would stop them from world domination.

However sir I must be humble and admit that you are one of the greatest minds I've met. I'm in college now with all the professors and all, I think you're still more awesome than them as a person and a teacher. More creative, more wise, a better person period. We all have our worries and such. The muses sing though my friend!

They sing!

You can hear them can't you?

You can, I know you can!

Dance with me in the dance of Creation! Is it a Waltz? A tango?

Let nothing stop us! For visions beyond the ken of mortals must be brought into this world!

Hugs, Seb