Sunday, January 12, 2014

Happy is as happy goes. After many days of bitter winter vortexy weather the sun came out today. A balmy 65 degrees. I went to the lower Greenville and walked around soaking up the warm sun rays and the smiles of attendees. And for a little while life seemed simple enough. Just walking and smiling. Got into my car and listened to NPR's Ask Me Another a sort of loony q&a quiz show. Listening to the radio (mind you while driving) is a more engaging experience than watching often overproduced, lamely glossed hyperactive pixels in the form of a network sitcom with unimaginative plots. There is some good TV programs out there but they are only the exception. Listening to NPR is an invitation to be part of a communal experience. When we laugh together we stay together. A beautiful simple day indeed.

On another note

I've had the worst writer's block in my life. It has lasted years. But now slowly but surely I am finding a great deal of pleasure in just telling my story. I had to battle with the demons of judgment and validation. I am casting them off. Once I thought I had to survive a tempestuous, melodramatic and sometimes sad life by seeking the approval of others. I wanted to be the most charming, adorable, helpful friend you ever met. And I suffered for it because I could never be myself and could never tell my side of the story because an irrational fear that once I was disliked by someone I would be abandoned. I have grown up since then, little by little I have began to really like who I am, my glitches and my epiphanies. I am a work in progress. Right now I am single. It's OK. I like the SING in SINGle. I get to sing a lot by myself without being interrupted in the middle of my joyful performance. I read and write. I play with my dog. I have friends, not many thankfully.
I love saying hello and smiling. Just like the people I met today at the lower Greenville. I also love to hug. I did not hug people on the lower Greenville. I really love to walk to bring human scale, as opposed to car-scale, to my experience. I love to sing. I love to laugh. My friends, I do not have many, are so sweet, they say hello and they also hug. I am so fortunate.

3 comments:

SK Waller said...

You've been missed--keep singing!

SK Waller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hugo di Portogallo said...

It is a battle to learn to be self-sufficent and go on with life on your own and to like yourself for what you are, isn't it? I'm glad you are winning ground on that front. Keep it up and keep writing. You write beautifully