Monday, August 17, 2009

One morning at the Job Club

Merciful Heavens! I had a bit of a busy day today. I've joined a job club at my local church. It has proven to be quite good since you get support and help of other fellow unemployedlings. In this case 12 heads think better than one, mine. So your efforts in trying to land a job get multiplied by the ideas and feedback offered by others. This period of unemployment has been unprecedented in my life. It's goes beyond my economic situation. It's a feeling, strange as it is, that my soul is unemployed. Let me explain. This last year has been the most devastating year in my life. I lost my anchor in life, my mom, suddenly, without any kind of suspicion about her health. I found her lifeless in her apartment. I'm dealing with the loss in all ways that I can, still it hurts like nothing I have experienced before. Six months later, I made the decision to move to Texas with my brother. I needed to escape the loneliness I was feeling inside, I started to hate the very place I lived for so many years, as if it had something to do with her death.
I could not stand living in the island, maybe I was projecting my inner feelings and found Puerto Rico to be the cause of death both my mother's and my dreams. To some, probably many, it would seem childish to blame a country. Maybe I'm childish, who knows?But I cannot possibly tell you how isolated and hopeless I felt living in a place where I had very few friends left and where I did not relate to the beach culture of the Caribbean.
I saw an open door...Texas. And here I am . I do not know if it's going to be my last destination, but I'm trying my luck like everybody else.

At the job club I mentioned the fact that I was shy when it came to introduce myself to people I did not know. They look at me as if I was from planet Jupiter. Shy? Are you insecure or something? Someone asked. What am I suppose to answer? For some reason I saw the humor in it, it was a most impolite question, it put me on the spot...but it made me laugh at the impertinence of the woman that made the question. She reacted the same way someone would react to something that was disliked like a certain color or a certain type of music. Maybe I'm too Victorian or Edwardian about manners but I think this blabbermouth of a person was rude. I displayed my humble panache in mean this is not the Insecure Anonymous group?, then I stood up in mock confusion. They all laughed. I have to go into actor mode to overcome my social shyness. Of course it's based on insecurities....may I say a big and loud DUH!
So I'm discovering the New World all over again. Injecting colors and forms into my Self to reanimate my quest for true joy. Who wants to dance with me? What are you doing to inject passion into your life? I would love to know. Bunch of hugs and kisses to all, you are succulent people.

I had to buy these yellow roses, I saw them at the flower shop in Bloggyville, they remind me of frindship and luxury.


Linda S. Socha said...

Pink I am so glad to see you here! Much thanks for stopping my my blog to say hello!

I have been running a bit amuk and have not kept up with my blogging although I generally love it. I have decided I simply have the vapors this summer!

It is just good to be visiting your lovely blog. I wish that I had had an opportunity to meet your Mother. I wish you all the joy you can contain for THIS year

nollyposh said...

i felt the same way when my dad died... in fact i felt it so extremely that had i not had little children at the time, i think that i may have tried to find a way to follow him... as it turned out maybe some part of me did, to then contract cancer! ...In many ways i am still just keeping my head above water and am always looking for ways to grab a hold of that beautiful feeling that visits me sometimes and tells me that my life is indeed sacred and wonderful so i am always looking for schemes to keep me focused on staying put! ... Right now my eldest daughter is feeling similar confused feelings and has left school to follow her heart, i wonder to myself if this is what these times we live in are all about... Finding a way to live our heart's dream... With such a closeness to your mum, i'm sure she watches over you, just as my dad does with me (((hugs)))

Cynthia said...

Change upon change is difficult, PC. But I completely understand your move. Sometimes we just have to do something to act out our pain from loss. There are no words to represent the loss of your mother but since the unexpected removal of my own, I think I can relate. It's hard not to blame the I think one little country can take on it's share of the blame. (I moved too-after the death of my mother.) So glad you are coming out of your depression.

Btw Your job club mate should learn how to be less combative. Would you hire her?

May love and light imbue you with increased energy and joy.

BEstacio said...

I lost my dad a few months ago he was my world. There is no way to avoid the pain but the memories help us move on.

He was helping me with a new book, "Gateway to DreamWorld, and I would like to share this with all of you.

Brenda Estacio