Some of my favorite things

Magic wands

Bette Davis

Johann Sebastian Bach

Blueberry muffins

Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire

Color pencils

Montgomery Clift

Flag of Cymru

Kölner Dom

Architecture

Keeping journals

Massages

Chinese medicine cabinets

Doodles

Diners

Fountain pens


Quiet country roads

Baskets

Yellow roses

Cherry coke

Pretty salads

Double rainbows

ABBA

Animal wooden figurines

Hidden trails in the forest

Starbucks

White linen bed sheets

The word serendipity

The Beatles

Retro ladies

Pretzel

Outdoor cafés

Old books

Pianos

Guys with dogs

Libraries

Languages

Helvetica font

HDR Images

Flower shops

Chocolate

British phone booths

Blue and green together

Chinese paper lanterns

Cardigan sweaters

Castles with moats

Angels

Rainy days

Happy Christmas 2008

Since I was a kid I always loved saying Merry Christmas!!! To everybody, specially on Christmas eve. I felt like emulating old pictures like It’s A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol. I must admit I always loved “Nochebuena” or Christmas Eve best because I could sense the magical tone everyone acquired during the festivities. My paternal grandmother, whose family hailed from Catalonia in Spain, always prepared a gigantic nativity scene she brought from Tarragona. It included over one hundred porcelain figurines. She decorated a corner of her living room with corrugated brown paper painted with metallic tones of green, blue and red. There was a shining star, as big as an apple on the top of a blue wallpaper filled with stars. It also included the tall figures of the three Persian Kings on camels. Each king had its own entourage of servants and a squire. There was the donkey and the ox resting peacefully. Baby Jesus had a beautiful and delicate countenance. I stood there in awe of all the details in the scene. Somehow I understood the sacredness of the occasion. It was not the kind of mirth or joy that you felt during your birthday or when summer vacation started. It was a different kind of joy altogether. It was a joy veiled in deep mystery. Christmas was shimmering lights against a background of shadows, a flickering candle too fragile to handle yet so warm and welcoming. It has been said that Christmas, like the ancient celebration of the winter solstice, is the triumph of light over darkness. I do believe we humans, regardless of faith, come from a great energy source that manifest itself fully in our experience of love. We are a community of lovers so to speak. The birth of Jesus is an offering of love and hope. The season, the human season, call for community and connection with each other. Love is the most wonderful mystery there is. It dissolves the pain and the suffering that comes from the toil and hardness of life in this planet. To love is to heal, to be set anew by the great Spirit, to have a second chance, to give a second chance to others. This Christmas I will dare myself to stop being cynical about the state of affairs in the world. I have a world inside me that need healing and nourishing. It is time to shine our little light and rekindle the human heart. I wish you all a beautiful Christmas filled with mystery and love.

Harvey Milk: a true hero in my heart

Imagine having to live a life where the very essence of your identity and whole being has to be defended publicly and reassured constantly. Imagine a life where more than often you have to hide how and who you love. Imagine for a second that kind of life. I am gay, I know. I went to see Milk the movie yesterday in downtown Dallas. Sean Penn was remarkable in his portrayal of slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk. The movie, a biopic, was intense and committed to tell the truth pertaining this hero of the gay community. Having suffered a great deal throughout my life for both concealing the fact and revealing the fact of being gay really makes me wish nobody has to go through this ordeal. It has been a life struggle having to deal with homophobia. Homophobia is so pervasive in our society. Many times it is not that obvious, it takes rare forms, it camouflages itself. It feed on fear and ignorance. Harvey Milk reminded us gay humans to fight for our rights, our human right to be free and live a good life. Above all, I think his most important legacy was his courage, his daring outcry against an unjust society. The struggle continues today when in the vast majority of states in America a gay citizen cannot marry or be protected against job discrimination. In many nations around the world people are killed for being gay. I often become indignant and emotional when someone expresses their hatred or intolerance towards gay people. Ignorance and disinformation are usually the culprits of homophobia. Harvey demonstrated with his life that you have to stand up for what you believe is right. He also believed that gay people must come out of the closet so their family, their friend, their neighbors and co-workers stopped making false asumptions about the "gay lifestyle" . When I came out to my parents I was 32 years old they immediately embraced me and assured me of their love. My two sisters do not wish to acknowledge me being gay. My brother fully accepts who I am (He went with me to see the movie). Many old friends stopped talking to me many years ago. The majority of my extended family pretends I am not gay and that I am some kind of a loner for not having a wife. I still do not understand why people react differently being given the same facts and information about being gay. I do know that those who have decided not to accept me fully for who I am simply put do not know me. I will not share the gift of my intense, vivid, adventurous, blessed life with them. Harvey Milk makes me proud to be gay, a gay human who lives and loves in this world. I am grateful for being gay, it has been one of the most important aspects of my life. The gift of being gay has opened doors to self exploring and realization, it has made me more human than anything else in my life. I honor the memory of a human being named Harvey Milk, an inspiration, a hope, a committed citizen, a brother in arms.

Meditation Insights: Perception

My eyes are not a camera. It will not be fair to present all the snapshots I have taken and pass them as reality. I do not intend to reason on the subject of what is reality. The definition of reality is a conundrum, a social discourse, an explanation. Truth is not a picture. Many times truth seems to be a construction, us being the supreme architects. Truth is to be held in your heart. I mean Truth not the presentation of truth. Not the definition of truth, which is flawed by the limitations of language. Perception is a gateway to understanding the mystery of truth. I perceive as a sentient being. I am limitless in my Higher Being. How could I define or contemplate truth as something stationary, solid....the truth is...... I hold to the mystery of Truth. The mystery of truth is a gift to the human mind. The mystery of Truth is a voyage. Dwelling in truth is dwelling in love. May my perception of life and all other things that are not life be perceived in the beautiful mystery of Truth. I embrace the voyage, I am on my way.

A message to my teachers, wherever they might be.

To the Venerable Khenpos Kenchen Palden Rinpoche and Tsewang Dongyal Rinpoche, teachers of love and compassion

Mount Meru Mudra,

Is a castle in the heavens,

It is the commitment of the bodhisatva

is the light of truth,

it is compassion,

I offer my teachers

the first harvest of my love,

and in the festivity of Tsog,

I shall bring your eternal peace.

Dorjes in the sand

Let it be known,
The Great Conqueror set foot in this tropical island long ago,
unseen,
unheard,
unfelt,
He bathed joyously
in the virgin water streams that sprayed
the ancient Caribbean sea rocks,
and blessed all the creatures that were
unseen,
unheard,
unfelt.
He laughed blissfully,
his roaring giggles
sounded like a thunderous mantra
summoning universal harmony,
penetrating with its vibration all minds
unseen,
unheard,
unfelt.
You see,
I have found gilded dorjes buried in the sands.
I have seen endless rainbows when least expected.
I have observed victory banners unfurled in the deep rain forests.
I have heard long lost birds singing Om Ah Hung.
He must have been here, surely, before my people were born.
You see,
He still roams freely through the tropical pathways barefooted,
trident in hand,
radiating indestructible truths,
all pervading kindness,
ever shining wisdom.
In awareness, now seen, now heard… deeply felt.
– Héctor L. Urrutia, Pema Gatob, Puerto Rico

Meditation Insights: Darkness

Darkness is the ultimate generator of dreams and realities. I close my eyes, I dim my sight. I sit quietly in a dark corner of my living room. I am literally blindfolded. I breathe deeply and I go inside, indoors to a dark place full of possibilities. My mind reacts, it becomes restless. Impatient, I would say. The possibilities are endless. I get easily disoriented. I am back at the Mega store of dreams. An infinite numbers of items pass me by. Wishes, hopes, fears, disappointments. All responsible for my reality in the world. But I decide not to put any article in my cosmic shopping car, I am just browsing, window shopping. My meditation has taken me to a place of very little light but a lot of illumination. It is revealing truth in darkness, in a place with no name, with no preconceived notions or forms. I do not need the bright sun, nor do I need the raging fire. They could be distractions. I need silence, visual silence. To love the darkness as well as the light is to walk in balance, well rounded, complete. Funny, there are times where my greatest fears become ridiculous thoughts in the dark. My fear of abandonment becomes insolvent, bankrupt when I sit in universal darkness. I realize my interconnection with all. I could never be abandoned, I am with all. My resentments become senseless fantasies in the dark. Darkness erases away the forms and shapes of past rejections, perceived humiliations, downright indignation. No longer they have power over me for in darkness I have totally dismissed their foolery, their incoherence, their recurrent visitations. That strangest irrational paralyzing fear of not ever finding a significant other is diluted down to a muffled whimper. In darkness I recognize this master delusion, this Gordian knot. I see it clearly for what it is. A denial, a total divorce from my highest self. A misery play fed by my family and cultural upbringing to keep me in line, to clip my large wings, to keep me safe and secluded. I forgive them all. They too were afraid, frightened, scared of an overabundance of an unknown source of oxygen. In darkness I set myself free. I carry my darkness with me. It comes quite handy in glorious sunny days, in breathtaking sunsets, in warm summer nights. My darkness balances me out, it is a proofread, a Grammarian handbook, it corrects incongruity in my life, darkness gives me the full perspective, it sends me to the zenith of the mountain and dutifully shows me the countryside from the city, the trees from the rocks, the burning sensation of ice from the blinding light of the scorching sun. There are bright dark days after all.

Meditation insights: Kindness

Being kind frees your arms, your hands from grasping. I become obsessed with my desires and I become inflexible in achieving them. In my mind, once I have declared a wish, an attainable wish, I grasp ferociously to the idea. I devise endless plans and possibilities to achieve the goal. I create battlegrounds in the mind. I become the proverbial one man army. I defeat myself. A declaration of a wish is but a door to open and see if that is a sincere wish. I have found myself wishing for things, events, circumstances that belong to others, or at least have been suggested by others. It takes time to really recognize your real inner voice. Your inner voice is buried in the dim. Meditation is a beautiful silence. Is a peaceful walk into the forest. You might fight incredible treasures there. You must go in. There are no stop signs in the forest, no traffic lights, no weather stations. In the forest your only guidance is your soul, your universal soul. You walk by it. Kindness is the inner voice. Being kind to all creatures is bliss. Kindness is an integral part of the life force. Kindness is the outer expression of universal peace. Obsession is distrust of the flow of life (I will take care of this thing the universe is not giving me). Obsession is a tantrum, a senseless one at that. Open your arms. Give kindness a chance!