Suddenly This Summer.

Just came back from the library. I have been doing research on alternative career paths. To tell you the truth, it is actually a lot of fun. You must make a good assessment of your skills and your style of performing in the workplace. Is what they call a "holistic" assessment. The human mind is an amazing instrument. It can forget so easily. By thinking hard about all the tasks I have performed in my professional career and listing them I have made myself aware that I tend to forget how efficient and thorough I have been on my different jobs. Listing all my previous experiences and how I used my ability to analyze, synthesize, communicate made me feel better automatically. How could I have forgotten my ability to be tactful and diplomatic when explaining a difficult situation to my fellow co-workers.? How could I have forgotten about the time when I worked for two months successfully trying to sort out a contract dispute between photographers and a publishing company? I always felt I was handicapped because I have held more than 15 different jobs and because I speak English with a Spanish accent. These "handicaps" were hidden talents. On one hand I am highly adaptable to any job situation, on the other I have a unique bi-cultural perspective. How could I've been so blind?
I hope I can maintain the vision, the "I am a success" vision and not get sidetracked by dreadful comparisons to other people with different circumstances. Or sidetracked by the limiting impositions of my mind that expects to achieve, achieve and achieve without rhyme nor reason. Frustration should be seen as a pink flag ( we do not have red flags at the ranch) warning you to change your perspective in order to see the truth of the matter. In the meantime I breathe and do my homework.

Meditation Insights: Perception

My eyes are not a camera. It will not be fair to present all the snapshots I have taken and pass them as reality. I do not intend to reason on the subject of what is reality. The definition of reality is a conundrum, a social discourse, an explanation. Truth is not a picture. Many times truth seems to be a construction, us being the supreme architects. Truth is to be held in your heart. I mean Truth not the presentation of truth. Not the definition of truth, which is flawed by the limitations of language. Perception is a gateway to understanding the mystery of truth. I perceive as a sentient being. I am limitless in my Higher Being. How could I define or contemplate truth as something stationary, solid....the truth is...... I hold to the mystery of Truth. The mystery of truth is a gift to the human mind. The mystery of Truth is a voyage. Dwelling in truth is dwelling in love. May my perception of life and all other things that are not life be perceived in the beautiful mystery of Truth. I embrace the voyage, I am on my way.

Meditation Insights: Darkness

Darkness is the ultimate generator of dreams and realities. I close my eyes, I dim my sight. I sit quietly in a dark corner of my living room. I am literally blindfolded. I breathe deeply and I go inside, indoors to a dark place full of possibilities. My mind reacts, it becomes restless. Impatient, I would say. The possibilities are endless. I get easily disoriented. I am back at the Mega store of dreams. An infinite numbers of items pass me by. Wishes, hopes, fears, disappointments. All responsible for my reality in the world. But I decide not to put any article in my cosmic shopping car, I am just browsing, window shopping. My meditation has taken me to a place of very little light but a lot of illumination. It is revealing truth in darkness, in a place with no name, with no preconceived notions or forms. I do not need the bright sun, nor do I need the raging fire. They could be distractions. I need silence, visual silence. To love the darkness as well as the light is to walk in balance, well rounded, complete. Funny, there are times where my greatest fears become ridiculous thoughts in the dark. My fear of abandonment becomes insolvent, bankrupt when I sit in universal darkness. I realize my interconnection with all. I could never be abandoned, I am with all. My resentments become senseless fantasies in the dark. Darkness erases away the forms and shapes of past rejections, perceived humiliations, downright indignation. No longer they have power over me for in darkness I have totally dismissed their foolery, their incoherence, their recurrent visitations. That strangest irrational paralyzing fear of not ever finding a significant other is diluted down to a muffled whimper. In darkness I recognize this master delusion, this Gordian knot. I see it clearly for what it is. A denial, a total divorce from my highest self. A misery play fed by my family and cultural upbringing to keep me in line, to clip my large wings, to keep me safe and secluded. I forgive them all. They too were afraid, frightened, scared of an overabundance of an unknown source of oxygen. In darkness I set myself free. I carry my darkness with me. It comes quite handy in glorious sunny days, in breathtaking sunsets, in warm summer nights. My darkness balances me out, it is a proofread, a Grammarian handbook, it corrects incongruity in my life, darkness gives me the full perspective, it sends me to the zenith of the mountain and dutifully shows me the countryside from the city, the trees from the rocks, the burning sensation of ice from the blinding light of the scorching sun. There are bright dark days after all.

Meditation insights: Kindness

Being kind frees your arms, your hands from grasping. I become obsessed with my desires and I become inflexible in achieving them. In my mind, once I have declared a wish, an attainable wish, I grasp ferociously to the idea. I devise endless plans and possibilities to achieve the goal. I create battlegrounds in the mind. I become the proverbial one man army. I defeat myself. A declaration of a wish is but a door to open and see if that is a sincere wish. I have found myself wishing for things, events, circumstances that belong to others, or at least have been suggested by others. It takes time to really recognize your real inner voice. Your inner voice is buried in the dim. Meditation is a beautiful silence. Is a peaceful walk into the forest. You might fight incredible treasures there. You must go in. There are no stop signs in the forest, no traffic lights, no weather stations. In the forest your only guidance is your soul, your universal soul. You walk by it. Kindness is the inner voice. Being kind to all creatures is bliss. Kindness is an integral part of the life force. Kindness is the outer expression of universal peace. Obsession is distrust of the flow of life (I will take care of this thing the universe is not giving me). Obsession is a tantrum, a senseless one at that. Open your arms. Give kindness a chance!